Old Dust Posted September 14, 2011 Report Posted September 14, 2011 Children's Science Exams If you need a laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers... Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!) A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are in a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (The kid gets an A+ for this answer!) Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...) A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.' A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome. Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. John Old Dust Quote
wombatie Posted September 15, 2011 Report Posted September 15, 2011 ROFLMBO. And then they send them out into the work force where they walk among us. Marg Quote
Oges Posted September 15, 2011 Report Posted September 15, 2011 A few more... 1) Classical Studies Question: Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements. Answer: Learning to speak Latin 2) Biology Question: What is a fibula? Answer: A little lie 3) General Studies Question: Jeff has been asked to collect data about the amount of television his friends watch. Think of an appropriate question he could ask them. Answer: How much TV do you watch? 4) Classical Studies Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar's death? Answer: Suspicious ones 5) Biology Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease Answer: Early death 6) Geography Question: What are the Pyramids? Answer: The Pyramids are a large mountain range which splits France and Spain 7) Biology Question: What is a plasmid? Answer: A high definition television 8) English Question: In Pride and Prejudice, at what moment does Elizabeth Bennet realise her true feelings for Mr Darcy? Answer: When she sees him coming out of the lake. 9) Geography Question: What do we call a person forced to leave their home perhaps by a natural disaster or war, without having another home to go to. Answer: Homeless 10) Religious Studies Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called? Answer: Monotony 11) Biology Question: In the Hawaiian Islands, there are around 500 different species of fruit fly. Give a reason for this Answer: There are approximately 500 varieties of fruit 12) Physics Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels Answer: Fire 13) Geography Question: Define the term "intensive farming". Answer: It is when a farmer never has a day off. 14) Maths Question: Change 7/8 to a decimal Answer: 7.8 15) Geography Question: What does the term "lava" mean? Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar 16) General Studies Question: Redundancy is often an unpleasant and unexpected event in someone's life. Give two examples of unexpected life events. Answer: 1) death 2) Reincarnation 17) History Question: What was introduced in the Children's Charter of 1908? Answer: Children 18) Business Studies Question: Explain the word "wholesaler". Answer: Someone who sells you whole items - eg, a whole cake 19) Geography Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country? Answer: Malaria 20) Geography Question:What artificial waterway runs between the Mediterranean and Red Seas? Answer: The Sewage Canal 21) Geography Question: Name one famous Greek landmark Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse 22) Maths Question: Expand 2 (x + y) Answer: 2 ( x + y ) 2 ( x + y ) 2 ( x + y ) 23) Business Studies Question: Assess Fashion House pls's choice to locate its factory near Birmingham. Is Birmingham the right location for this type of business? Answer: No. People from Birmingham aren't very fashionable. 24) History Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed? Answer: At the bottom. 25) History Question: What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common? Answer: Unusual names. Quote
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