From My Grammarian Friend

[TAIrving]

o   An Oxford comma walks into a bar where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

o   A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

o   A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

o   An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

o   Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

o   A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

o   Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

o   A question mark walks into a bar?

o   A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

o   Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

o   A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

o   A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

o   Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

o   A synonym strolls into a tavern.

o   At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

o   A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

o   Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

o   A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

o   An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

o   The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

o   A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

o   The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

o   A dyslexic walks into a bra.

o   A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

o   A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

o   A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

o   A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

I don't profess to be a grammarian. I'm human!