jokes

[TAIrving]

My girlfriend says I'm cheap, so I took her out for tea and biscuits. It was quite exciting as she had never given blood before.

My wife wants me to wear a bracelet that belonged to her grandfather. It says, "Do Not Resuscitate."

It's been months since I bought the book, "How To Scam People Online." It still hasn't arrived yet.

When someone recommends a book to me and says, "It's a page turner!" I say, "Yeah, I know how books work."

If you have a red wine stain on your carpet, get some white wine and drink it until you don't care anymore.

One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

If your outgoings exceeds your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall.

I think racism is bad and you should treat all races the same whether Brown, Black, Asian, Latino or normal.

Even rarer than a doctor who can't stand the sight of blood is a lawyer who can't stand the sight of money.