Popular Post tgiro Posted March 13, 2018 Popular Post Report Posted March 13, 2018 Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside. --------------------------------- If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam. I’d have $ 6.30 now. --------------------------------- Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, “Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.” My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed. --------------------------------- Doctor: Hello, I'm calling from the hospital, your wife has been brought in after a bad accident. Husband: Oh my God, how is she? Doctor: I'm afraid she's very critical. Husband: Oh, don't worry, you get used to that. --------------------------------- Bread is like the sun - rises in the yeast and sets in the waist. --------------------------------- “Have you heard of Murphy’s law?” “No, what is it?” “If something can go wrong, it will go wrong.” “Right, have you heard of Cole’s law?” “No, what is it?” “Thinly sliced cabbage.” --------------------------------- Out in space two alien life forms are speaking with each other. The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons." The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves." --------------------------------- If a man says he will fix it, he will. No need to remind him every six months about it. --------------------------------- I bought a thesaurus but when I got home I discovered that all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am. --------------------------------- And finally - a woman's story - I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went..... My Engaged Friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long. The Mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night. Then I Had To Share My Story: When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said.... "What's for dinner, Zorro?" MTCowpoke22, Lucky2, new2woodwrk and 10 others 4 9 Quote
new2woodwrk Posted March 13, 2018 Report Posted March 13, 2018 Funny stuff - zorro ! WayneMahler 1 Quote
Scrolling Steve Posted March 13, 2018 Report Posted March 13, 2018 I get it ..... coleslaw .......Right ! Quote
Gordster Posted March 13, 2018 Report Posted March 13, 2018 I wonder if there is more yo the Zorro one,,,very brave man Quote
GPscroller Posted March 14, 2018 Report Posted March 14, 2018 Good ones, made me chuckle, thanks. Jeff Quote
amazingkevin Posted March 14, 2018 Report Posted March 14, 2018 7 hours ago, tgiro said: Remember, If your apartment is hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside. --------------------------------- If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam. I’d have $ 6.30 now. --------------------------------- Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, “Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.” My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed. --------------------------------- Doctor: Hello, I'm calling from the hospital, your wife has been brought in after a bad accident. Husband: Oh my God, how is she? Doctor: I'm afraid she's very critical. Husband: Oh, don't worry, you get used to that. --------------------------------- Bread is like the sun - rises in the yeast and sets in the waist. --------------------------------- “Have you heard of Murphy’s law?” “No, what is it?” “If something can go wrong, it will go wrong.” “Right, have you heard of Cole’s law?” “No, what is it?” “Thinly sliced cabbage.” --------------------------------- Out in space two alien life forms are speaking with each other. The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons." The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves." --------------------------------- If a man says he will fix it, he will. No need to remind him every six months about it. --------------------------------- I bought a thesaurus but when I got home I discovered that all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am. --------------------------------- And finally - a woman's story - I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went..... My Engaged Friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long. The Mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night. Then I Had To Share My Story: When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said.... "What's for dinner, Zorro?" Bahahaha! Quote
merlin Posted March 14, 2018 Report Posted March 14, 2018 Yeah thanks for the giggles....Really liked the 25 year married one..................... Quote
bobscroll Posted March 14, 2018 Report Posted March 14, 2018 Thank you tony for taking the time to type all that out.........It was worth it!!! Bob Quote
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