tgiro Posted May 4, 2019 Report Posted May 4, 2019 PASSWORD PROBLEMS:WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.USER: cabbageWINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.USER: boiled cabbageWINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.USER: 1 boiled cabbageWINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbagesWINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one uppercase character.USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbagesWINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one uppercase character consecutively.USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow!WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.USER : IWillHuntYouDown50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNowWINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use. ================================================== A co-worker's office computer had technical issues IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account. "It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied. "A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked. She went "Because computer said the password has to be at least 5 characters and have a capital" ======================================================================== The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE . God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples” ========================================================== I went to the doctors recently. He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?” He said, “No, Fatty; don’t eat anything.” ===================================================== A moron called his girlfriend and said, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to put it together or even get it started.” The girlfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The moron said, “ According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.” The girlfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. He let her in and showed her where he had the puzzle spread out all over the table. She studied the pieces for a moment, looked at the box, then turned to him and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.” She took his hand and said, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea and then.......” she sighed, ..... “Let’s put all of these Frosted Flakes back into the box.” ======================================================== I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn’t cure it, but it does keep the sheets off my legs. ===================================================== A blonde reports for her university final exam. The exam consists mainly of true or false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin. She marks the answer sheet 'true' for heads and 'false' for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously. During the next few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening. "I finished the exam," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers." ================================================= A guy was ship wrecked and stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum... Luckily, they seemed compatible and quickly built a shelter out of trees on the island and parts of the shipwreck. As time passed they became romantic and began performing all the duties of husband and wife. After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said, "I have a problem. It's kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favour." Heidi replied, "Okay," to which he asked, "Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?" Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged. The guy then asked, "Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?" Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged, so the guy drew a mustache on her. Then the guy said, "Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man." Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes. Finally, the guy said to Heidi, "Do you mind if I call you Phil?" Heidi had now become very dejected, and said "No, I guess not, you can call me Phil." So, the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted "Phil, you'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!" ================================================= A man prayed to God to give him a son and kept praying for 15 years... An angel finally came to the man and said: "God says he will bless you with a son... but please find a woman and get married to her!" ================================================================== A man came to my door today asking for donations for the local community pool, So I gave him a glass of water. ========================================== Movie Quiz Try this quick and easy test. Scroll down and do the quiz as it instructs and find out what movie is your favorite. It Really works! This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 19 films you would enjoy the most. Don't ask me how. - Pick a number from 1 to 9 - Multiply by 3 - Add 3 - Multiply by 3 again - Now add the two digits together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list of 19 below. Mine was The Good, the Bad and the Ugly which is exactly right! So be honest and do it before you scroll down to see the list below. Its easy and it works. Now look up your number in the list below: Gone with the Wind E.T. Beverly Hills Cop Star Wars Forrest Gump The Good the Bad and the Ugly Jaws Grease 50 Shades of Grey Casablanca Jurassic Park Pirates of the Caribbean Titanic Raiders of the Lost Ark Home Alone Mrs. Doubtfire Toy Story Wizard of Oz Its really amazing and accurate, isn't it? ============================================ Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there. A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go." The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that." The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!" jollyred, RabidAlien, Karl S and 4 others 1 6 Quote
wombatie Posted May 4, 2019 Report Posted May 4, 2019 I have coughed and spluttered and laughed until I cried, I loved every one of those. Thank you. Marg Quote
JimErn Posted May 4, 2019 Report Posted May 4, 2019 Me too, glad I was not holding the coffee cup when I read them, or I'd have to get another keyboard Good ones Quote
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