A Few Items To Clear Your Mind This Morning

[Karl S]

1. The Jewish Elbow,

 

2. The Italian Grandfather

 

3.  The Irish Blonde

 

    A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown

grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.  "You come to

the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 .

There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow,

push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the

elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push

3. When you get out, I'm on the left.. With your elbow, hit

my doorbell."

 

    "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all

these buttons with my elbow? .......

 

    "What . . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"

 

    _________________________

 

2.    Wise Italian Grandfather

 

    Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns

down through the family.

 

    An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to

his bedside, Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to

take-a my chrome plated ..38 revolver so you will always

remember me."

 

    "But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you

leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

 

    "You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da

business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a

big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "

 

    "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you

wife inna bed with another man.  Whatta you gonna do then?

Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' "?

 

  _________________________

 

3.    Irish Blonde..

 

    An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland, arrived at the

casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty

thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

 

    She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much

luckier when I'm completely nude" with that, she stripped

from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue

yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

 

    As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and

squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the

dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly

departed.

 

    The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.  Finally,

one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

 

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were

watching."

 

    MORAL OF THE STORY

 

    Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,

    ..... but all men.are men!

_________________________

 

    Global Facts About Sex

 

    At any given moment:

 

    FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.

    FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.

    FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.

    FACT: 1 old person is reading emails

 

    You hang in there, sunshine

 

 

 

 

 

 

[dgman]

And one old man is posting!

[LarryEA]

Wisdom is wisdom and facts are facts

 

[Gordster]

I can live without sex ,but can't  live without my glasses,cause I wouldn't  be able to read Karl's  posts...good ones karl