Hi Dick. Just some thoughts from my perspective, not necessarily right or wrong. I just worked from your pattern of course and not the original. I've never had much luck adding highlights to eyes from above. I usually come from the side. I took a little off of the mouth and nose and broke up the left side of his face a bit. I think, in this case, letting the mind fill in some of the details of the mouth and nose works. I try to make lines like the ones in the forehead, or wherever, vary in width since consistency looks more artificial as it rarely occurs in nature.
There's probably not a portrait on my wall that I wouldn't do something different on if I did it again but I guess that's part of the fun of it. You never stop learning.
Just some ideas that may or may not be any good to take or leave.